The At Home Chef

Intimate Epicurean Experiences

  • The At Home Chef
  • About
  • Services
  • Core Values
  • Blog
  • Shop
  • Media
  • Contact

August 16, 2018 By Ken Durbin 9 Comments

My Dad, Anthony, and Me

There are some days that you want to erase from the calendar. You want to just sleep through it and pretend that it never happen. For me that day is June 8th.  June 8th is when I lost my best friend: a man who always had the answers in the toughest times, always had the right words to use when things were not good.  This man was my Dad, a man who worked harder than anyone else, who told you stories that would teach you a lesson and make you laugh to tears.  Did we always see eye to eye? No. In fact, for most of my teenage years I didn’t listen to a word he said.  I wish I did. Man, I wish I did.  I lost him when I was just 24. Too soon. I never got to cook for him. I never told him that me owning my business was a direct consequence of him owning his own business.  There is no way I would be here without the lessons he taught me and whispers of encouragement I still hear him give me.

There are some days that you want to erase from the calendar. You want to just sleep through it and pretend that it never happen. For me that day is June 8th.  June 8th is when I lost a mentor: someone who changed my life. A man who told stories that inspired me to be what I am today.  This man was Anthony Bourdain.  When I heard the news early morning on June 8th, I was already struggling in the memory of myDad. Then I heard the news and my heart dropped. When I heard how he died, I burst into tears. I was in disbelief like most of the world.  He had a seemingly perfect life: traveling, eating, and telling stories like only he could. I still ask why, because I refuse to believe it myself.  

When I was working in my boring office job I often wondered what else was out there in life. What could I discover? What could I create to fill my soul? I learned that, for me, the answer was by cooking for people and crafting their smiles with my hands.  At the time, I didn’t know where to start or what to do, but I knew I wanted to cook.  Then I discovered the book that changed my life. A book that after I read it made me immediately made me want to head to a kitchen and commit to cooking, even if it meant making minimum wage.  That book was Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain. It’s his real-life depiction of working in a kitchen.  It wasn’t a glorified portrait at all. As a matter of fact, most people after reading it would steer clear from any restaurant.  Not for me. For me it was a calling. I knew I had to cook and change people’s lives with my food.

With Tony I was surprised to hear he died by suicide. As I have been quietly processing his death, I realized that I am not really surprised. Most people who are deeply troubled never let anyone in on their pain and loneliness. Reason being is because they are ashamed and afraid to bring anyone in because its mostly a pretty taboo topic even among your own family. I know this because from as long as I can remember I have struggled with depression. There have been times in my life where it feels like I have been in a hole with my hands out, hoping someone could save me as I stand there quietly screaming. For many of my friends and family, this will be news. I never shared it.  I’ll admit that there are still hard days. Days when it all feels like too much. I’m incredibly thankful that I have been able to reach out for help, and that there are people and resources who have heard me.

Now, I don’t give myself a choice but to get up and power through life head first.  I learned from my Dad that all you can do is your best, you best in everything you do.  I learned from Anthony to get out and travel and see things and eat things that may be questionable in questionable areas.  To never forget it that food and cooking is a noble profession, but it should be always handled with the upmost respect.  To never make yourself bigger than the food, to always find joy in the smiles your food provides. To be grateful for every day.

Filed Under: Memories

Comments

  1. Rachel says

    August 16, 2018 at 12:26 pm

    My favorite blog post you’ve written, I didn’t know you father and Anthony share the same date that they passed. Thank you for bravely sharing ✨

    Reply
    • Ken Durbin says

      August 16, 2018 at 3:21 pm

      Thank you so much, I almost didn’t post it, was worried what people would think considering I don’t typically post topics like this normally.

      Reply
  2. Suzanne says

    August 17, 2018 at 7:05 am

    This is magical Ken!

    Reply
    • ken says

      August 20, 2018 at 8:24 am

      Thank you, Suzanne, I am glad you enjoyed it.

      Reply
  3. Jesy says

    August 17, 2018 at 7:54 am

    xoxo

    Reply
  4. Jez says

    August 17, 2018 at 11:54 am

    It’s hard to share something so raw, something so real, for this I thank you❤️ Like you said, it’s a pretty taboo topic to talk about but it helps those who are secretly struggling with it too. I know you have so many friends, pls count me as of them. A friend whose life you’ve touch in a meaningful way!

    Reply
  5. Cheryl says

    August 22, 2018 at 4:04 am

    Sorry for your losses. And simply put depression sucks…. I’m glad you’ve been able to find support.

    Reply
  6. navraj singh says

    January 22, 2020 at 4:24 am

    Nice blog Its so hard to share this but i loved it

    Reply
  7. Debbie Pelfrey says

    August 2, 2021 at 7:06 am

    Wow! Unsure if you realize how many people have felt the same way ~ but, for whatever reason put on a false front that everything is okay. Perhaps, like me we realize that that’s what society expects.

    Sending you gentle hugs and prayers.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Chef Ken Durbin

Arriving at my grandmother’s apartment in Pennsylvania was worth every minute of the six-hour drive. Her tiny kitchen was the first place I learned to love food … Read More

Follow

Learn how to transform your dinner parties into epicurean experiences. Get exclusive tips and gourmet guidance with The At Home Chef newsletter!

Latest Post

Come Together

To me, cooking is not a game or a contest. It’s an expression of love in its simplest form. This doesn’t mean it has to … Read More

Follow

Contact

The At Home Chef
Chef Ken Durbin
(859) 640-6958
Email

Follow

Learn how to transform your dinner parties into epicurean experiences. Get exclusive tips and gourmet guidance with The At Home Chef newsletter!

Connect

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
Copyright © 2023 The At Home Chef. Website by Focus 5 Design.
Posting....